Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
