if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
