Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
