oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Randomize