If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
