Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
you guys were way drunker than both of me
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
