i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
