I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
