fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
