Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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