This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
