She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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