And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize