I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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