and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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