I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
