oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize