everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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