Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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