Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
