She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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