and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I still have a little drunk in my system
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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