Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
