Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
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