Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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