My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
