A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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