Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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