If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
