I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
