If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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