yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
