someone get that fucking seahorse.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
