Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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