now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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