If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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