Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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