Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
