I cannot find my penis.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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