I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
