i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
