I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
