I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
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