SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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