i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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