And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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