He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
