CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
