I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
