I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
