Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
