Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
