who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
