Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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