I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
