I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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