I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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