i can't believe i had my finger in that
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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