We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
