oh god the rape fog is back!
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize