Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
