I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
