like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
