ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Randomize
