she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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