i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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